milk, one sugar

Every time you leave, your place is filled with my guilty conscience.  We’ve spoken about everything and you’ve reassured me. And my brain knows that I never did anything that I thought was wrong. But my heart can’t forgive me for acting so thoughtlessly and I wish so many things now for my own peace of mind. I wish I hadn’t spent my whole life growing up too fast to spend the year that mattered the most being naive and foolish. I wish I’d known that you liked me back. I really wish I’d known that you loved me back. And god, I wish I’d had the strength to believe that I could be loved. Really loved. In the same way that I loved and still love you. And that is one thing I still wish for now.

I want you to know that I was silly and acted without regard for consequence. And that I was scared.

You know the little things weigh on my mind. None of them are truly bad, but together they are wearing me down. I am sorry. You know that too. I need to forgive myself now, as you have.

I love you. I have from the start. And I will always put you first.
Thank you for always knowing the real me.